A Request For The Speech Of Speeches

The first reader of the website made a request for the speech of speeches. I may be overexaggerating here but here it is. It has been edited a little to remove the names of the guilty and innocent. There will be some links that you can follow if you desire so here’s the legal bit. (As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases).

My Wedding Speech

Firstly, if anybody ever comments to either me or my wife when we’ve done something stupid, no one can ever criticise our organisational abilities as it appears we have organised an event where we can quaff inebriants in a fermenting manufactory.

I will endeavour to not take too long with this speech so we can supplement the quaffing with the promised South Asian cuisine.

 Secondly, Thank you, my stepson, for your speech. Thank you, my stepdaughter, for being here to be your Mother’s Maid of Honour.

 

Thank you also for allowing me into your lives and your home. There was stubbornness, impatience, tantrums, screaming and shouting on occasion, but more about your mother later.

 

Thank you also to our bridesmaids and ushers—they are all beautiful people inside and out. Thank you to our wedding trio, a guitarist and violinist, and my father, for performing during the ceremony. Thanks also go to my Mother and my Best Man.

 

My sister also deserves a great deal of thanks. Her fine work includes stationary, banners, and writing.

 

Also, many thanks to my semi-cousin. As you will discover later, she has produced our wonderful cakes.

 

(yes that is all cake)

Finally, thank you all for tuning up and spending this day with us.

 A Moon of Honey

So, ex-history teachers will always have a story or two to tell. There’s a story about the origin of the word honeymoon. The story goes that the bride’s father should provide the groom with enough mead, a honey-based beverage, to get through the first month of marriage. Hence honeymoon.

 

The story is made up, but you can now open the boxes on your tables. Most of you will find a shot glass and a bottle of liquid in them.

 

Other people will find something more appropriate for them. If you would like to partake, please pour one into the other.

 

However, a good story is a good story, so Stepson, here’s the bill for everyone’s Honey JD.

 

So, sip it, sup it, share it, see it away or swap it for Prosecco and cheers, Iechyd da, slaité and skol to every last one of you!

So back to the speech and a little about me and my wife and our wedding day.

 First Dates

The 17th of September will remain an important day for me. The 17th of September 1944 was the 1st day of Operation Market Garden, otherwise known as a Bridge Too Far. Sorry, I digress.

 

What I meant to say was that the 17th of September 5, years ago, was when my wife and I had our first date. The date happened due to a convoluted story involving internet dating and erstwhile mutual friends.

 

We had messaged each other a couple of times before the date. Years of my mother’s training ensured I was ready early and arrived first, which was the start of one tradition.

 

My Future Wife turned up in what became the next tradition, two minutes late. I had a drink ready and waiting for her, so she knew then that she was onto a winner.

 

So, five years ago today, we were probably both nursing a hangover and wondering if the other would get back in touch. Fortunately, she had not had enough of me, so she rang me, and we arranged to meet each other again. The rest, as they say, is history.

 Its All About Us

Most things occurring on our wedding day have some kind of significance to us. We’ve had a long time planning this wedding so please bear with us.

Firstly, on our first date, we decided to have a curry, and we both had chicken jalfrezi. Many of you will be joining us doing that when I’ve shut up and Andy’s finished.

 

Secondly is the music. Music and festivals have played a big part in our lives together and will do for many years to come. I am a prolific song lyric (and movie line) larcenist.

 

For our wedding, I decided to appropriate whole songs. As you were taking your seats before the ceremony, our guitarist played a series of tunes.

 

Our wedding trio also performed during the signing of the register. Each song during the ceremony has at least one line about how I feel about my wife, our experiences to date, and what I’m looking forward to in our long future together—even the Final Countdown.

 

Later, you will hear the Leylines play, a couple of members are here now. We think of them as ‘our band’ as they are the first band we went to see together. They remind us of many a good time we have had together, whether it be in a pub, a club, or sat in a sunny (or rainy) field with a cider or seven. They are also here as a reward for years of us telling them about them playing at our wedding.

 

As well as thanking our guitarist, we probably should thank the rest of his clan, as we probably wouldn’t be here without them, literally and metaphorically.

 

I’ll take you back to those misty pre-COVID days, the 1st of January 2020, at The ClanTowers. It was about three seconds past midnight. The chimes of Big Ben were still bonging, and my future wife turned to me and said, ‘Will you marry me then?’

 

Thinking, I mean knowing, that rather a lot of beverages had been consumed in the previous few hours, I replied, ‘You’re joking, aren’t you?’

 

The wrong person in this scenario then replied yes.

 

About fifteen minutes later, I heard her telling the Clan Matriarch that she’d asked me, and I said no. I obviously corrected her and promptly said yes, of course I would.

 Me, Cilla Black!

My wife says she does not like surprises, so what else am I going to do apart from keeping surprising her? From organising a lockdown, socially distanced hen do to saying my vows in her first language.

 

Only a few people knew I was going to do this, including the several Welsh teachers who did the translation from my ‘original’. I must apologise to those that do not speak Welsh but also apologise to those that do, including my wife, for my terrible accent.

 

Therefore, I thought you might all like to know what I promised, so here you go:

 The English Vows

I want to be the man your love deserves

For the rest of my life

I will wake up next to you

I will go on adventures with you

I will have good times with you

I will talk nonsense with you

 

I will travel great distances with you

And travel twice as far again just to get home to you

I will work hard for you and give you everything I earn, almost

I will grow old with you

I will wait two minutes for you, however long that takes.

 Other Wedding Tunes

Our wedding trio performed Sunshine on Leith by the Proclaimers. To many, it may appear to be a somewhat mournful song to have at a wedding, but lyrically, it is almost a series of solemn promises to the person who has mended your broken heart. The most poignant for us is, ‘Whilst I’m worth my room on this earth, I will be with you.’

 

I mentioned earlier that I am not averse to grand theft lyrical. For my vows, I wrote the first two lines and the last, but technically ‘stole’ or was ‘inspired’ by another song by this Scottish sibling duo. This song has a certain comedic reputation but is also a series of vows. I’ll let you figure out which song it is.

 

 

Finally, here are a few more lines from more songs. One is paraphrased from a song by a certain band, some of whose members are a little closer than the Proclaimers. It is for my wife. The second is for all you lot. The final one was also stolen and translated into Welsh for my wife. As before, many apologies to all concerned. The translation is all Google, but the pronunciation is all mine.

 

My beautiful wife. I hope I’ve saved your soul the way you have saved mine. You are the one for me.

 

Thank you for your time and ears to lend

 

(Byddaf yn dyrnu arth i chi) – [phonetically kind of]

Budath un dunny arrth Y chi

Well that was it, hope it was worth it.

The Sweetchunks Band (the last bit of Welsh)also do a song about bees (and honey tecnically)

anon T

4 thoughts on “A Request For The Speech Of Speeches”

  1. Loved reading through these entertaining speeches. It is always a great idea to add some humor into a speech as it gets the audience laughing and thus relaxes the speech giver.

    What is the best way to go about writing a good speech? I know they say take from personal experiences, but what is the best way to turn that into something amazing?

    Reply
    • To be honest, I just tried to write it the way I think it/say it rather than use a template. I suppose it’s because I technically know what I’m talking about! 

      I guess speaking from the heart also helps but that does not stop me using other people’s words and explaining what they mean to me.

      cheers for the comment

      Reply
  2. Well, how do you make comments on this speech? What a well-thought-out and put-together speech where it appears no one of any position was missing in the list of thank yous. So creative and obviously your fixation with lyrics as a larcenist has shown through with the skilled way in which this was put together, would you say that is true?

    And no matter what the truth is your version which is one of the most common, rings clear with me as a maker of mead.

    Did you really say no to your now wife when she asked you to marry her? And yet you survived that near miss.

    Reply
    • She thinks I said no,  by I contend I asked her if she was joking! 

      I had a long time to think about it because the wedding was delayed for 6 months due to Covid.

      thank you so much for your comments

      Reply

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