Top 7 Welly Wanging Wellies

Dedicated to Caroline and Murphy and inspired by Griff.

Tonight, I went to meet a large group of my friends. I had not seen any of them for months. I ended up wanging a welly.

 I will not list the top seven welly-wanging wellies because I only wanged one welly. I’ve done a couple of courses on copywriting and blog writing in the last few years, and one suggestion to get people’s attention is to write a top (insert number here) list and even pick a random number like six so it sticks out on a Google list.

I came, I wanged, I won(ish), l wrote.

The welly I wanged was one of my Muckboots. Could people please maybe comment below which wellies they used, I may use a different welly the next time.

As I approached the wanging oche, I was advised to go for something lighter but I spurned the advice.

 I like throwing these balls for my dog because the combination of the rope and the heavyweight ball, combined with my technique, results in long throws. This depends on whether you let go of the string at the right time. I usually hold the string with my index finger and the lightest, most sensitive touch.

My Muck boots combine old-school welly rubber on the foot and lower ankle section with stretchy neoprene on the other section. I was convinced this would potentially give them a similar aeronautical advantage, but this is scientifically beyond my brain’s comprehension.

How wrong could I have been?

The flexibility between the upper welly and the stiffer foot section, combined with my untrained welly wanging technique, resulted in me gaining a prize for the shortest wang. On reflection, it appears I discharged my footwear early or had a premature launch. As I decided to throw underhand, the early release meant that the welly hit the ground only a few short feet in front of me.

 

For some reason, the beautiful judges offered me another throw. I momentarily considered the pitfalls of my first throw (if there were a word here that could have been used for less than half the moment I thought about it, I would have used it).

This time, I held off my release for as long as possible, and my welly soared; it properly took off. As a result, I also received a prize for this throw, which was the highest in the competition.

 

Welly wanging wonder

The fact that it soared out at a 45-degree angle towards someone’s trailer tent bounced over a table and skidded to a halt just inches from the integrated tent/trailer combo is neither here nor there. Well, it was there (like really over there). What was also clear was that this was out of bounds.

Ronseal has a famous catchphrase: repeat after me, everyone. ‘Does exactly what it says on the tin.’ Maybe I should have read what was on the box the wellies came in: they are used for cold, wet, and muddy conditions. You live and learn, eh?

 I’ve been through deep sand and thick mud and hiked up mountains with these wellies; they’ve never taken a wrong step. They are brilliant for using your feet to search blindly for a ball your lovely may have dropped in a deep, muddy mountain puddle where he is just about to lie down.

When he gets up from his rest, he has that look that says Daddy, where have you put my ball?

Please find it for me, please, please, please Daddy! Again, the boots have never let me down.

These wellies are good for me because the stretchy neoprene allows my extra-large calves to fit in, even when wearing thick socks and winter trousers. They are waterproof and ideal winter dog-walking footwear because of the additional insulation.

My Work Here Is Done

I no longer need to use these rubber masterpieces for ball searching as I have ‘trained’ the highly intelligent border collie to search for the ball independently. I might bring out my dog training course soon, so look out.

In this case, I remember that I was walking in walking boots for a change when he did the deed. There was no chance I would wade into the gluttonous hole he dropped it in, so I just stood there and gave him the ‘you can just get that yourself stare.’ After a while, he understood and found his ball himself. I told you he was clever!

The welly wanging was not the only competition on offer. There was also Pass the Pigs, not the little board game of my yoof (mine travelled to and from and around Australia with me in the 90s), but Adult Pass the Pigs, the kind of inflatable toy that does not need to be delivered in discreet packaging. I deferred from taking part as I did not want to win any more prizes.

Many thanks, Crusty Campers

Cheers to the Crustiest Campers out there; I had an excellent wang and chats galore; you know who you are, thank you.

 Some of you CCs hopefully realise how much they helped things this weekend. Some of you cc’s will not have a clue, but thank you to all of you anyway.

Happy wanging!

T

Whoop, I got through a whole blog without mentioning ADHD, neurodivergence or diagnoses. Oops, there it is (I had a song running through my head when I wrote this, and this is the one, Whoomp! There It Is by Tag Team)

 

Disclaimers- No trailer-tents were harmed in the writing of this blog.

 I didn’t see anyone wanging a welly as far as me, and I got prizes, so I won something. Or was it winning at life by having good mates?

M T, if you click the link for Murphy in the dedication, it goes to your FB Murphy Fest link. I hope this is okay. And thanks for your ears to lend.

Please check out and give to Life Commitment Dog Rescue and Cannan Trust

Also, could you give Moddey Dhoo MCC some loving. IYKYK if you don’t just give ’em some loving anyway